Perspectives

(This post is written for alumni of LEAD 365, although all are welcome to read it.)

How is your career going? How is your family life? How are your finances? How are your stocks doing? You may be thinking, “Why so many questions about how I’m doing?” I’m asking because it will help me draw you into a relatively new belief that has formed in me over the last few years.

I have a growing belief that it’s impossible to say how you’re doing without first making a comparison to something else—automatically and subconsciously. In fact, I believe that most of us make these subconscious comparisons constantly in order to define our reality, all the time thinking we have no choice in the matter. We think that there is one reality that is just real, no matter what. That may not be the case, but let me explain.

I believe I can’t say how I’m doing unless I compare my situation to something else. How are my stocks doing? Impossible to say without referring to where they were earlier today, or yesterday, or last week, or last month, or… you get the point. I have to compare to another time OR I could also compare to other stocks. Yes, I’ve lost 5% over the past year, but many other stocks lost 7%, so I’m doing okay.

How is your family life? Well, my wife and I aren’t really connecting right now, but compared to my parents, we rock. Or, things have been the best they’ve ever been, and really good compared to how my parents related to each other, but compared to the quiz in the magazine about great marriage, maybe we aren’t doing so well.

I love to play tennis. I am actually an amazing player! Unless of course you compare me to people who are better than I am, then I’m not so good. It’s all relative. Also, I’m not nearly as good as I once was. Compared to ten years ago, I’m not very good at all. Compared to twenty years ago, I’m downright bad. It’s impossible to say how good I am at tennis without comparing to someone else or some other time.

For those of you who share my belief system about God—the God of the Bible—I would add that I could compare myself to the gold standard—God’s standard for me—the only standard that doesn’t change, and when I do that, I’m not doing well at all! I have the capacity to be so much better than I currently am.

Of course it’s not only me who falls way short of this standard, but everyone else too. And I may be falling way short today, but I’m doing much better than I did ten years ago, or twenty years ago (it’s nice to have this counter to the degradation in my tennis game as time goes on).

So, in order to say we’re doing well, we just have to find the timeframe or other people to make an actual comparison that makes this answer so. Same for NOT doing well. Hmm… does that mean I can choose to feel good about how I’m doing? Does that mean I can choose to feel bad about how I’m doing?

At times I’ve found myself saying that some people aren’t happy unless they are unhappy. It’s almost as if they choose to find the bad in virtually every situation. On the contrary, some people seem to be happy even when they have nothing!

This makes me ask myself, “So what is the real reality of their situation?” I’ve come to believe that question can’t be answered until I’ve chosen the background to compare their “reality” against.

I’m not sure if you would agree with me on this belief, but let me assume for a moment that you do so that I can continue in my line of reasoning.

If I chose to make comparisons that always show that I’m doing well, will I stagnate? If I choose comparisons that always make me look as though I’m falling short, will that motivate me to strive for more? It probably depends on who I am.

I don’t know which perspective is better for me… or for you. I guess the main reason I’m bringing this up is to stir you up—maybe you agree with me that the choice for happiness is yours, regardless of how “well” you’re doing. I suspect that some people need to be more positive about how they’re doing in order to continue to grow. And I suspect that some people need to believe they are not doing well at all in order to continue to grow.

What do you think is true for you? Either way, this lens can color how your see the world, and it can create the reality in your world.

Please let me know what questions you have, what resonates with you, or what additional insights you would share.

Thanks. Make it a great week, whatever perspective you need to do that!

Rodg

(Image: My Microcosm by Claudio Frediani. Used under CC BY-SA 2.0 license.)