(This post is written for alumni of LEAD 365, although all are welcome to read it.)
Two of the important things that great leaders do well are expressing thanks and offering apologies. Learning to give credit where credit is due and owning up to the times we needed to do better are key parts to being a person worth following.
What would it look like to do these two things more frequently and with better quality?
Raising the frequency with which we thank and apologize takes discipline. Raising the quality of our thanks and apologies takes thoughtfulness.
Let’s say you are just about to thank someone on your team (we hope this happens often). Think of how much more potent that thanks is when it is combined with telling them how their contribution made a positive difference. For example, you might say “Thanks for your work on that project. I know that meant the sacrifice of staying late a couple of days. Your good work resulted in an incredible customer presentation that sealed the deal. That helped me and our department perform to our best.” That’s says a lot more than just a brief “thanks.”
We want to express thanks when someone on our team or in our organization does something well. We also want to be sure that saying thanks is our first response when someone takes the time to give feedback to us (remember session 2 on feedback?). In fact, saying thank you is the appropriate response even when the feedback is difficult to hear.
Again, it takes thoughtfulness and effort to move from a simple thanks, which is GOOD, to a detailed and well-thought-out thank you, which is GREAT!
What about our apologies? How quickly and frequently do we own up to our part when something goes wrong? None of us are perfect, but it shows real character to quickly own up to where we have come up short in our words, actions, or attitudes. How often do others hear from you “I was wrong, I’m sorry”?
The fact is, we usually gain credibility in the eyes of other people when we admit mistakes and own the times when we blew it or failed to give our best to a person or situation.
Just like with the thank you, the apology gains real quality when it is combined with thoughtfulness and effort. A quality apology not only says “sorry,” but also acknowledges that damage done by our words and actions. In addition, a quality apology describes how you intend to make sure it does not happen again.
A quality apology might sound like this: “I know I cut you off several times in the meeting yesterday and it was wrong for me to do that. I apologize. It shows disrespect to you and your important role on this team when I do that. I know I need to grow in this area and will work hard to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
Mark Gouston, in his book Just Listen, calls these two things the “power thank you” and the “power apology.” This book is also a great read about the power of listening well. I highly recommend it.
Where are you the most consistent in expressing appreciation? In admitting you are wrong? Where does your frequency need to show an uptick? What about the quality of your thank yous and apologies? Quality often means face-to-face. Sometimes quality may mean putting it in writing—handwriting, not email. And certainly quality means backing up your words with the appropriate actions that follow.
It would be an amazing compliment to be described as a person who expresses appreciation well and owns up quickly and fully to mistakes. It is part of what makes you a person worth following.
Image by RebeccaVC1. Used under CC by 2.0 license.
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