Are You Bundling Things You Shouldn’t?

I’ve had a new concept on my mind lately. Some of you know me well enough to know that one of my beliefs is that topics often choose me—I don’t seek them out. This seems to be true with a topic that has been “working on me” over the past several months. The name I’ve given this topic is “bundling,” which I’m stealing from my internet, phone, and TV provider, who bundled all of these services in one product.

I normally would process a topic a lot longer before blogging on it, but for some reason it feels like I should write about bundling this week. Maybe this blog is becoming a place for me to think out loud with each of you alumni. If so, thanks for giving me some grace if my thoughts ramble a bit while I’m still trying to get my head around it.

I’ve noticed in my life, in my reading, and in my coaching that many of us humans bundle things together that shouldn’t be bundled and we don’t bundle things together that should be. Following are some examples.

Things that should be bundled but often aren’t:

1. Short-term and long-term solutions: These two kinds of solutions can often seem like opposites. A classic example is the old adage, “give a man a fish, or teach him to fish.” Maybe better yet would be to help him learn to desire a fish. These short-term and long-term solutions should be bundled together. Because short- and long-term answers can seem like opposites at times, it creates a tension, and most people chose to focus on one or the other. I believe this creates a division between those who focus on the best thing for the short term and those who focus on the best thing for the long term. Both need to be embraced and bundled.
2. Caring about the organization as a whole and also caring about the individuals in the organization: Again, these two areas can be at odds with each other at times, but healthy leaders somehow keep both in mind when making important decisions. When keeping someone on the team is hurting the team, that needs to be acknowledged, AND the person’s perspective also needs to be acknowledged. Ultimately a leader needs to deal with both aspects of the bigger picture and the more personalized picture in order to come up with the best decision.
3. Caring about the truth of a particular matter while also considering how that truth will be experienced: A shorthand way of talking about this is bundling truth and love. Being loving to someone without sharing any difficult truths with them does not help them in the long run. They will miss the opportunity to improve something about themselves because nobody had the courage to share it with them. On the other hand, sharing a difficult truth with someone in a way that doesn’t include compassion is mean. You may recall me saying in LEAD 365 that, “truth without love can be mean, but love without truth is a lie.” Greater leaders do both—truth and love should always be bundled.

Things that shouldn’t be bundled but often are:

1. Agreeing with a person and liking that person: If you disagree with me about important things in life, it shouldn’t affect how much I like you. How much I like you should depend more on how you treat me, and less on what you believe is true about certain things in life. Disagreement is an important part of helping each other grow and working together to find better solutions to life’s challenges. Disagreement is often a key to innovation. Agreeing with someone and liking someone should NOT be bundled.
2. Listening really well and agreeing with the person being listened to: Just because I try to be a leader that seeks to understand your side of an issue doesn’t mean that I align with you on an issue. I clearly recall a time when I listened really well to a leader from New York, after which he told me that I’m obviously a progressive because I sought to really understand his perspective on some key beliefs. When I told him I consider myself a conservative and would disagree with many of the things he told me, he still felt like I was a progressive because I was willing to listen and deeply consider his point of view. Listening well should NOT be bundled with agreement or disagreement.One of my clients recently shared a big insight that will make it’s way into our curriculum at some point. As we were walking through the importance of listening and seeking to understand and some of the philosophies and techniques our team has found helpful in our own development, he shared with me that he was surprised we hadn’t talked about the “desire to understand.”He went on to share that he really desires to understand someone who sees the world very differently than he does. I love this and this is something I aspire to. I would like to get to the place where I can truly desire to understand why someone believes what they believe, especially when it’s different than what I believe. Doing this will require some serious UN-bundling.There is a danger in this, however. If the person bundles my deep desire to understand them with the assumption that I agree, they will go away with a misunderstanding of where I align regarding their perspective. This is why it’s important in the healthy conflict model that we also seek to be understood after doing a great job of seeking to understand the other person.
3. OK, last one: Thinking that something is bad because it makes me really uncomfortable or is really hard: Just because something is hard or painful doesn’t make it bad. And the opposite is also true. Things that make me feel really comfortable are not always good. Goodness and comfort should not necessarily be bundled. They are two independent things that sometimes go together, but sometime don’t.It’s common for me to hear others, or myself, confuse these two characteristics. “I shouldn’t do that be cause it makes me uncomfortable.” I think you know from your LEAD 365 experience that we don’t let discomfort determine when we do something or not. The key is whether it will be good or not.

I could share many more examples, but I’m not going to bundle the idea of having more examples with being more effective. Often, less is more.

The bottom line for me in this message is to be more intentional about what to bundle together and what not to bundle together. I’m sure I’ll have more thoughts on this down the road, so stay tuned (unless you didn’t find this helpful).

Thanks for “listening”!

Make it a great week!
Rodg

Image by Unhindered by Talent. Used under CC BY-SA 2.0 license.